Conversations Like These
by hedeadwhat
Summary: Falkner knows something's wrong but Morty isn't willing to spill his woes on some stranger. What it really takes is a gentle push from a trusted colleague... or perhaps a true friend.


It was a fine day in Ecruteak City. The Pidgeys were chirping, the Sudowoodos were wiggling joyously, and the random giant dog/lion/cat pokemon were running about so very gaily. However, down by the entrance to Route 37 there was a disturbance in the quaint solitude and quiet of the old city. Three men stood before the city entrance, staring each other down in a manner so very odd that it had become customary to the citizens of Ecruteak.

One man with bright blue hair, looking fiercely serious at the man in front of him, said, "You can talk about whatever you want, bb."

Another of the men, standing next to the person the blue-haired individual was staring so intently at, nodded his head in approval and replied, "Falkner is open to these kinds of things. He just wants to take it all in-"

"SHUT UP," the last man interjected with an almost distraught look upon his absolutely stoned face. To be honest, one really couldn't tell what he was thinking. "I CAN HEAR YOU TYPE, YOU CHEAP LITTLE BITCH."

The other man looked at his comrade, his friend, his _buttbuddy,_ in absolute shock. He looked down at his typewriter and stashed it away, mentally storing away all of his gay fanfic ideas to type out later. "_SOMEONE_ IS PARANOID," he yelled/mumbled to himself because no one cares about what he thought.

The unclearly angered man began to wheeze and make odd noises while the other two men stared in fascination. "AHUT," he wheezed out.

"YOU NEED TO…"

"ATUO."

"CALM DOWN," the other man said, quite racistly.

"BEES."

This stopped the other man for a bit, and he looked around in bewilderment, expecting to come across a Combee or something.

However, it seemed it was simply another of his friend's inane ramblings. Said friend had gained some semblance of calmness and said in a very steady voice, as if it was the most basic thing ever to say, "That's the college life."

This made the other man think deeply. "Morty… fuck. You're right. I can't…. I can't deny it." And it was as if a shining ray of light had appeared before the lovestruck fool.

"Did you get my text, Eusine?" Morty suddenly asked his friend. "Look at the text, Eusine."

Eusine suddenly felt a rumbling deep in his pants. Thinking at first his pants were about to erupt, he quickly registered Morty's request and looked at his friend's message.

"I'm sitting here. Naked."

Eusine looked up to his friend with the question of 'what?' written plain on his face.

Morty shook his head, "No, not that one, the other one."

"Watch out… For the Pikachus… They have sticks… And since they do… It means shit's going down."

Morty took on a look of almost worry as he explained, "I told you! I was in my car when I texted you! I was worried!"

Eusine thought briefly, 'Morty, you don't have a car,' but thought better of it and instead listened intently.

"YOU COULD HAVE DIED," Morty continued.

"I could have been injured!" Eusine egged his friend on. "I COULD HAVE-,"

"DIED."

"But," Eusine stopped his friend with a word of sheer wisdom, "I think this was an excellent experience for you."

"And your asshole… fucker," Morty replied vehemently. Then he mumbled to himself with a look of indistinguishable passion, which more looked like he was just a young Magikarp that had been caught on an Old Rod and thrown back into the water like a piece of trash, "If only."

Eusine looked up with a smile, "Ooooo, someone's horny tonight~"

Morty looked around for a second, having forgotten that Falkner had once been there before fleeing from the scene once he saw a particularly cute pudgy Pidgey, as he growled out to his friend, "Oh baby, take them off."

Eusine had a brief look of sadness appear over his face, but simply shook his head sadly and took off his shutter shade glasses. And they even had the Suicune symbol on them, too. Eusine smiffed in sadness.

Morty, however, had a look of immense pleasure before his marijuana-induced paranoia kicked in again. He said, " Oh shit… You mean the Pikachus. Oh. Oh no."

Eusine knew what this meant, and quickly said, "Dude, get the fuck in the van."

Morty took on a look of determination and adopted a horrible Scottish accent while saying, "COME. LESSAY!"

Eusine stared at his friend quietly.

Morty ran back into the heart of Ecruteak and began to sing horrible pop music at the top of his lungs and leaping into a pile of leaves like it was his job.

Except there was no pile of leaves.

Eusine stared in horrified fascination as his friend smashed into the cobble streets. Later, when the paramedics came and asked what had happened, he could only stare at his friend and mumble, "There was… so much blood."

Morty awoke temporarily from his trauma-induced coma and sputtered out, "In Giles Funk's pants."

Eusine nodded with a sad smile on his face, taking his friends hand into his. "He is now a woman."

The paramedics stared at the odd pair, not used to two stoners as insane as these.

Morty coughed pathetically, before saying sagely, "Man… we're in the moment."

"I like moments like these," his friend agreed.

They stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes. One completely forgetting why he was here and the other thinking about a certain blue dog/lion/thing.

"I dare you," Morty suddenly said.

"It's on," Eusine just as suddenly replied.

"My penis," Morty added on with a shit-faced grin and childish giggle.

"Your little baby boy peenie," Eusine shot back.

Morty suddenly had a very serious face, like he had to take a major poop, before replying, "That's such a long name for such a manly creature."

And they both laughed while the people around them stared in utter confusion and why the fuck did you read all of this, you loser.

The End.


End file.
